I’m truly so grateful to God to be celebrating our 12th year wedding anniversary. Always a good time to reflect and introspect. My first attempt at marriage ended after exactly 4 years. The most turbulent 4yrs of my life. My takeaway from that experience; If a guy is physically and verbally abusive towards you then you should get out of harm’s way. Fast! As in leave the place, get out, check out. Don’t stay, don’t manage the situation, don’t wait there praying for him to change like some religious leaders and family members advocate. Physically move out because you are not safe! I know you said for better for worse but did you mean it like that?You didn’t marry to die.Divorce doesn’t kill, physical abuse on the other hand could either kill you or make you a killer! A person called husband is supposed to be kind, considerate, respectful, loving and supportive. If he’s not all of these and more counseling might help but if he’s abusive? It’s a different kettle of fish! Anyway so I checked out! From a safe distance we tried counseling. It didn’t work! Prayed! God answered but it wasn’t the answer I was expecting at the time! I didn’t go back! The rest is history!
PART TWO – DIVORCE! Period! That’s where I found myself. Cried!Wiped the tears! Moved on! Life continues….
PART THREE – HOW DOES LIFE CONTINUE? I needed money and I wanted loads of it by choice. So I worked hard and leaned heavily on God to make it happen. I had a busy, interesting life. I had a son. As far as I was concerned nothing was missing. I was good! Really good! Then comes this old friend from school. Just moved into town and was hooking up with old friends. So we hooked up.
A whole lot happened in between but we’ve been together ever since. 15 years as besties, 12 years married! It’s not been a walk in the park but it’s been a blessing, a delight and God’s amazing grace.Most people never want to talk about divorce and remarriage in Nigeria but we should because it’s real and it’s rampant. If you have a similar story and are trusting God for a second chance at love I just thought to pray with you that God’s will be done for you at His own time. God’s plan for you are of good and not of evil to give you a future and bring you to an expected end! All things would work together for your good in Jesus Mighty name! However there are certain things you can do and some you shouldn’t as you cooperate and collaborate with God to make good things happen;PRACTICAL THINGS TO DO OR AVOID
1. Don’t be DESPERATE and don’t be in a hurry to hook up with someone. Desperation shows and it sucks and men run from this like a plague. Don’t! This is easy when you are busy, have your own money, confident, secure in who you are, trust God, generally cautious, learn from past mistakes and have your own brand of your Charles’s angels you hang with. They are called girl friends!
2. Don’t call a guy more than once. If he doesn’t answer the phone, don’t call back. Wait for him to call you back. If he doesn’t move on.
3. Don’t do the cooking, wifey games. Don’t go to his house unannounced. Be cautious with your use of social media even when you become an item. Chill!
4. Be realistic. Avoid those broke younger guys, it’s not love.
5. By now you know that fine doesn’t mean jack at this point, ‘slay queen’ is only good for social, character is everything.
6. Be an amazing, awesome friend even if the relationship doesn’t work! He might be back after sowing his wild oats.
7. Don’t ask for money or bailouts. He only becomes your ATM after he puts a ring on it. Wait patiently.
8. Don’t give him or his family members money! You are not a ‘mumu’. No one should reap from you where they have not invested! Don’t be a ‘dunce’! Pls!
9. Be gentle, sweet, kind and considerate but never be walked all over!
10. Pray and wait for the peace of God that passes all understanding
11. Investigate. Find out about his past. Put into consideration that people change for the better but you still need all the facts you can lay your hands on.
12. Work hard towards becoming the right person so you can attract the right type of people.
13. Lose the victim mentality and dump the pity party, it sucks! You are not a victim! What happened to you does not define you.
14. I’m leaving the best for last(as far as I’m concerned ooo) make a lot of money. It gives you options! Plus success is the best revenge and revenge is best served cold so take your time! Hoping you find the love and life you deserve just like I did, because you are worth it…